ITT: Fucked up Sex Stories. - Page 3

Kill The Scene · 12-14-2008, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dr0ne

I've never been able to fart around girlfriends, hell I even have a complex when I have to drop a deuce in my woman's presence.

Yeah I'm afraid to shit in a girls house cause I fear it'll turn into one of those power struggle shits, and I'll be in there forever. =[

ssanaside · 12-14-2008, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kill The Scene

l
I fuuuuuucking hate that smell. Girls are fucking foul. >:[

I scrubbed my cock raw that night in the shower. Very unladylike.

ssanaside · 12-14-2008, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dr0ne

I've never been able to fart around girlfriends, hell I even have a complex when I have to drop a deuce in my woman's presence.

haha, I definitely cant poop around chicks, which makes for really painful vacations or long visits. Though I have been known to pass silent farts and blame them on her.

strychnine1349 · 12-14-2008, 02:04 PM

You know the farts that you think you could pull off that if you squeeze it out just right, theres no noise and perhaps wont smell?

It's very risky business...

entwinedwithsickness · 12-14-2008, 02:05 PM

Those are bad. You know whats worse? A shart. You push just a LITTLE too hard..and bam. Need new boxers.

strychnine1349 · 12-14-2008, 02:06 PM

I had that happen to me for a whole week...actually I was shitting the whole week and I was deathly afraid of trying to fart.

Making out and holding a potential shart in...sucks.

ssanaside · 12-14-2008, 02:09 PM

You guys ever wait until right after you know a girl farted, just so you can rip a silent one and pin it on them?

Sometimes if I worry it may make noise, Ill deliberately drop something, skooch my chair up or do something loud to cover up for the toot.

entwinedwithsickness · 12-14-2008, 02:09 PM

i was very sick 4-5 years ago, everything I ate or drank was turning to diarrhea instantly. I farted and shit my pants. TWICE IN ONE WEEK. There is nothing quite as dehumanizing as shitting your pants when you are in your 20's.

ineedahairtie · 12-14-2008, 02:23 PM

I hear ya. Last week I fell deadly ill, well, more of a 24 hour virus thing, but, I was throwing up and shitting pretty much water out of my ass for about 12 hours straight. I felt like a girl sitting down to piss when I had that diarrhea. But at one point I actually vomited and shit my pants at the same time. That never happened to me before and I hope it never will again.

ineedahairtie · 12-14-2008, 02:26 PM

I can't believe you guys are afraid to fart/shit in front of you're women. The first month or so I am too, but after that, I let em fly. If I drop a nice looking log in the shitter, I have to show her my accomplishment.

motherfuck · 12-14-2008, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ineedahairtie

I hear ya. Last week I fell deadly ill, well, more of a 24 hour virus thing, but, I was throwing up and shitting pretty much water out of my ass for about 12 hours straight. I felt like a girl sitting down to piss when I had that diarrhea. But at one point I actually vomited and shit my pants at the same time. That never happened to me before and I hope it never will again.

Sounds pretty nice. Just shit and puke, during that, fall on your face in your own puke and just pass out with a load of mud in your pants seeping everywhere and lying in a puddle of your own puke, that's sexy.

Blackmetal_virus · 12-14-2008, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by entwinedwithsickness

i was very sick 4-5 years ago, everything I ate or drank was turning to diarrhea instantly. I farted and shit my pants. TWICE IN ONE WEEK. There is nothing quite as dehumanizing as shitting your pants when you are in your 20's.

that shit happened to me a while back when i was in HS. took my gf home cuz i had a feeling something was gonna happen to her if i didnt go. turns out when we left, 3 gangbangers and a chick walked past us and were lookin at her, so i looked back and im bigger than these fucks. so they ran back to me and one was actin like he was pullin out his gun which he didnt have. his 2 buddies socked me in the back of the head which never hurted cuz i laughed at them and the one guy had to jump to reach my face. ill give him credit, he had a good hit but yeah, shat diarrhea for 2 weeks. like i wasted a whole roll in two hours. i got sick from it but whatevs.

back to the main point, i cant shit when my girls around. so when shes stays for a day or 3, i have to hold it in because when i need to shit, i wanna fart my ass off, make noise and pass my fuckin log out and walk away 5 pounds lighter.

as far as sex stories- i basically choke the bitch, smack her on the ass until my hand marks are fully shown and red. snag her hair back and one time, cuz i was in the mood for being funny and an ass, i i was gettin head and when i came, I made the same sound the street fighter characters make when they get beat. that "OOOOOOHHHH OHWA OWHA OWHA" sound. i got punched in the stomach but i loved it. im plannin a donkey punch in the future.

12-14-2008, 02:35 PM

You cats need to get down with the midnight turding, just as the girl has gone to bed you wake your ass up and just go do your business.

Blackmetal_virus · 12-14-2008, 02:37 PM

but then they wake up and they wanna mess around. how can you mess around when you just shat and wiped your ass? what if she wants to finger you or rub your ass?

strychnine1349 · 12-14-2008, 02:37 PM

Sometimes I say I'm gonna take a piss, and once I get in I just rush and squeeze it out like a mother fucker real quick.

12-14-2008, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

but then they wake up and they wanna mess around. how can you mess around when you just shat and wiped your ass? what if she wants to finger you or rub your ass?

Once I go to sleep I like to sleep, sleep > sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

what if she wants to finger you or rub your ass?

Then she is getting a fist to the mouth.

strychnine1349 · 12-14-2008, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

but then they wake up and they wanna mess around. how can you mess around when you just shat and wiped your ass? what if she wants to finger you or rub your ass?

After my last experience, I rip that girls hand away any time a hand goes anywhere near my ass(w/out clothing that is).

motherfuck · 12-14-2008, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dr0ne

Then she is getting a fist to the mouth.

LOL

Blackmetal_virus · 12-14-2008, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dr0ne

sleep > sex.

i do too but when you have the oppurtunity to get fucked and cum, it HELPS you to sleep.

Blackmetal_virus · 12-14-2008, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by strychnine1349

After my last experience, I rip that girls hand away any time a hand goes anywhere near my ass(w/out clothing that is).

sounds like you need baby wipes.

strychnine1349 · 12-14-2008, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

sounds like you need baby wipes.

Did you hear the story? haha

12-14-2008, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

i do too but when you have the oppurtunity to get fucked and cum, it HELPS you to sleep.

Your Mexican reasoning makes no sense to me.

I like sex before bed, I like to sleep 25 hours, and then wake up to some nice pussy. Anything more than that is overkill and makes Daddy cranky,

Blackmetal_virus · 12-14-2008, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dr0ne

Your Mexican reasoning makes no sense to me.

I like sex before bed, I like to sleep 25 hours, and then wake up to some nice pussy. Anything more than that is overkill and makes Daddy cranky,

well then, i think it is well known i am a sex machine and you are lazier than niggers.

strychnine1349 · 12-14-2008, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

sounds like you need baby wipes.

http://www.smnnews.com/board/showthr...=186147&page=2

Howww did you miss that?

12-14-2008, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

well then, i think it is well known i am a sex machine and you are lazier than niggers.

It's easy to be a sex machine when the women you fuck still operate on steam.

Blackmetal_virus · 12-14-2008, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by strychnine1349

http://www.smnnews.com/board/showthr...=186147&page=2

Howww did you miss that?

LOL how the fuck did i miss that? i mustve been gone somewhere.

strychnine1349 · 12-14-2008, 03:11 PM

Picture necessary for thread.

Blackmetal_virus · 12-14-2008, 03:24 PM

lol well hello there sexy

entwinedwithsickness · 12-14-2008, 03:25 PM

Think this thread is turning epic.

Blackmetal_virus · 12-14-2008, 03:27 PM

EPIC RUPAUL VOGUE PIC THREAD TIME NAO

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12-14-2008, 02:04 PM	#64
strychnine1349 The Van Buren Boys Join Date: May 2006 Location: The 'Sau Posts: 10,875 Rep Power: 17	You know the farts that you think you could pull off that if you squeeze it out just right, theres no noise and perhaps wont smell? It's very risky business...

12-14-2008, 02:05 PM	#65
entwinedwithsickness almost human Join Date: May 2007 Location: East Meadow, NY Posts: 9,958 Rep Power: 15	Those are bad. You know whats worse? A shart. You push just a LITTLE too hard..and bam. Need new boxers.

12-14-2008, 02:06 PM	#66
strychnine1349 The Van Buren Boys Join Date: May 2006 Location: The 'Sau Posts: 10,875 Rep Power: 17	I had that happen to me for a whole week...actually I was shitting the whole week and I was deathly afraid of trying to fart. Making out and holding a potential shart in...sucks.

12-14-2008, 02:09 PM	#67
ssanaside Keeper of the Tit Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Concord, MA Posts: 10,608 Rep Power: 20	You guys ever wait until right after you know a girl farted, just so you can rip a silent one and pin it on them? Sometimes if I worry it may make noise, Ill deliberately drop something, skooch my chair up or do something loud to cover up for the toot.

12-14-2008, 02:23 PM	#69
ineedahairtie Registered Loser Join Date: May 2008 Location: Earth, Milky Way Posts: 577 Rep Power: 6	I hear ya. Last week I fell deadly ill, well, more of a 24 hour virus thing, but, I was throwing up and shitting pretty much water out of my ass for about 12 hours straight. I felt like a girl sitting down to piss when I had that diarrhea. But at one point I actually vomited and shit my pants at the same time. That never happened to me before and I hope it never will again.

12-14-2008, 02:26 PM	#70
ineedahairtie Registered Loser Join Date: May 2008 Location: Earth, Milky Way Posts: 577 Rep Power: 6	I can't believe you guys are afraid to fart/shit in front of you're women. The first month or so I am too, but after that, I let em fly. If I drop a nice looking log in the shitter, I have to show her my accomplishment.

12-14-2008, 02:35 PM	#73
Legendary Guest Guest Posts: n/a	You cats need to get down with the midnight turding, just as the girl has gone to bed you wake your ass up and just go do your business.

12-14-2008, 02:37 PM	#74
Blackmetal_virus Impaling Shaft Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In the Cemetary of Chicago Posts: 8,045 Rep Power: 18	but then they wake up and they wanna mess around. how can you mess around when you just shat and wiped your ass? what if she wants to finger you or rub your ass?

12-14-2008, 03:11 PM	#87
strychnine1349 The Van Buren Boys Join Date: May 2006 Location: The 'Sau Posts: 10,875 Rep Power: 17	Picture necessary for thread.

12-14-2008, 03:24 PM	#88
Blackmetal_virus Impaling Shaft Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In the Cemetary of Chicago Posts: 8,045 Rep Power: 18	lol well hello there sexy

12-14-2008, 03:25 PM	#89
entwinedwithsickness almost human Join Date: May 2007 Location: East Meadow, NY Posts: 9,958 Rep Power: 15	Think this thread is turning epic.

12-14-2008, 03:27 PM	#90
Blackmetal_virus Impaling Shaft Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: In the Cemetary of Chicago Posts: 8,045 Rep Power: 18	EPIC RUPAUL VOGUE PIC THREAD TIME NAO