ITT: Fucked up Sex Stories.

[strychnine1349]

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

ahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKIN RETARD but if its a bad body that made you sick.....shouldve ran the second she got naked.

1349 is a weird stalking mother fucker

Nah, I just saw that you posted in the "whatever the fuck the name is" thread.


Funny, the cop that pulled me over tonight name was Stalker.

[Kill The Scene]

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

ahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKIN RETARD but if its a bad body that made you sick.....shouldve ran the second she got naked.

1349 is a weird stalking mother fucker

She wasnt bad but she also didn't trim her area up to well and after I was in I started to smell something just, wretched and I said to myself that I needed to do something to get out of here cause I'm going to go limp and stay limp so I proceeded with this




And I was like "....well, I have to go so I'll talk to you later" and did a very high paced walk to the door.

[Blackmetal_virus]

UGH what the fuck dood, i wouldve never touch anything thats not trimmed right

[Kill The Scene]

Originally Posted by Blackmetal_virus

UGH what the fuck dood, i wouldve never touch anything thats not trimmed right

it doesn't really bother me unless its going onto the legs, or up into her ass or something. i can handle when its not in a landing strip or just smooth or whatever but it at least needs to be trimmed down to where it's short and not a fucking amazon. hers was just too long and i was like "well, maybe it'll fee fantastic" and I gave it a shot and regretted it soon thereafter.

[strychnine1349]

Ehhh....my girl usually always shaves and keeps it all good down there...one night when I went down on her things were just....ehhhhh

[Kill The Scene]

Originally Posted by strychnine1349

Ehhh....my girl usually always shaves and keeps it all good down there...one night when I went down on her things were just....ehhhhh

this was just more of a random thing so yeah. she was a friend of a friend and we flirted throughout the night and i ended up going back to her place with her and she blew me, it was nice, then she took down her pants and i saw the bush and was like "yeah i dont go down on chicks, sorry" and then i went in, and went right back out about 2 minutes later.

[Blackmetal_virus]

fuck dude, i dont touch anything that has hair below her clit, it all has to be above it and trimmed but even then, anything more than 2 centimeters long is too much. half an inch, youre fuckin the grinch.

[Spew]

Friend of mine went inside for shenanigans with a drunk girl, came outside with red shit all over his mouth, so I says to Mabel I says "Dude, you love those meat pies with all that tomato sauce huh?" and he says: "Oh wtf, I just went down on that chick." He then fired a beam of vomit against the fence.

[TheWynner]

ok well ive done the fake cumming thing before too. this chick was just rough looking bodywise. so i was wearing a condom and did the make noise go faster and then im done...go me..urgh.

but the funniest shit ive done is me and my second ex were fucking on the floor and i was sitting up and she was sitting on me. we were going out and i randomly let out a huge fucking fart. it even snuck up on me...i didnt feel the shit coming. but nonetheless it ruined the mood but were wer sitting there, dick still in vag, laughing our asses off.

my ex nowthat i still fuck on a regular basis is into that choking shit too. at first i wasnt sure if i would be into it but i swear when your doing it like some animalistic side comes out. the last time we fucked she decided to try anal. shit was good and she still wants me to choke the fuck out of her.

[strychnine1349]

Originally Posted by Spew

Friend of mine went inside for shenanigans with a drunk girl, came outside with red shit all over his mouth, so I says to Mabel I says "Dude, you love those meat pies with all that tomato sauce huh?" and he says: "Oh wtf, I just went down on that chick." He then fired a beam of vomit against the fence.

I.Love.Your.Sig.

[thisperishedmin]

Originally Posted by strychnine1349

I.FUCKING.LOVE.YOUR.SIG!!!!!

[entwinedwithsickness]

k

So I met this girl on the internets. I was just trying to break a slump so I figured what the hell..We're in her bed and shes blowing me, looks up and says "I'm not completely disgusting am I?" So at this point I pull her up from there and just fuck her (Not gunna be someones self esteem booster, sorry). Everything goes fine, at the end I'm taking off my condom and I look on her night stand..theres another used condom right next to my wrapper. Dunno when it was but who keeps them around?

This is a fun story. My whore ex was really into the rough shit. Having her hair pulled, being thrown around, hit, choked, restrained, insulted..basically every time we would fuck it got dirtier and dirtier. I made her blow me in the woods and then bent her over a tree that had been cut and fucked her. The real peak for us though..we were at my house fucking and I stuck my forearm in her throat, pulled her hair with my free hand and yelled "YOURE JUST A HOLE TO FUCK YOU FUCKING WHORE!" and a lot of other obscenity I can't really remember.. but what I do know is I've never seen that intense of an orgasm before or since.

[strychnine1349]

Nice

[Kill The Scene]

Originally Posted by entwinedwithsickness

k

So I met this girl on the internets. I was just trying to break a slump so I figured what the hell..We're in her bed and shes blowing me, looks up and says "I'm not completely disgusting am I?" So at this point I pull her up from there and just fuck her (Not gunna be someones self esteem booster, sorry). Everything goes fine, at the end I'm taking off my condom and I look on her night stand..theres another used condom right next to my wrapper. Dunno when it was but who keeps them around?

This is a fun story. My whore ex was really into the rough shit. Having her hair pulled, being thrown around, hit, choked, restrained, insulted..basically every time we would fuck it got dirtier and dirtier. I made her blow me in the woods and then bent her over a tree that had been cut and fucked her. The real peak for us though..we were at my house fucking and I stuck my forearm in her throat, pulled her hair with my free hand and yelled "YOURE JUST A HOLE TO FUCK YOU FUCKING WHORE!" and a lot of other obscenity I can't really remember.. but what I do know is I've never seen that intense of an orgasm before or since.

Give me her number plzthnx.

[entwinedwithsickness]

slumpbreaker or the whore who likes to be abused?

I've got some fucked up stories about her..she started dating this dude after we broke up. They had some problems (I'm guessing she caused them)...what does she do? Goes and fucks her boyfriends younger brother.

I didn't know till after but apparently our little group of friends had all hooked up with her and at least gotten a handjob, half got blown.

So yeah, KTS come out to New Jersey and I'll point you in her direction. Just show up naked and she'll probably put out.

[Of Divine Nature]

i call seconds.

[entwinedwithsickness]

And since it bears repeating.. (I should save these to a txt file or something)

I fucked a girl with one leg.

One time I stuck my thing in a girl's thing, it was eewie.

[RE3]

one time I was at a girl's house watching a movie with her. I had mad gas. I had to go to the restroom (to fart) so she took me to the one in her room. I couldn't fart because she was right outside. So we go back to her living room and she lays on me while we're watching the movie. Nothing much happened, but I wonder what kind of noises my stomach were making :( lol

oh well I sucked on her tits

Originally Posted by entwinedwithsickness

And since it bears repeating.. (I should save these to a txt file or something)

I fucked a girl with one leg.

How was it?

[ssanaside]

Obviously there is the story I dont even know which ends in my cock bleeding out.

I lost my virginity at a new years party. I was fairly bombed and this girl who used to go out with my friend for a year or so confessed I was one of the reasons they broke up, and she dragged me into the boiler room. We kinda started to go at it. And she ties me down with a fucking garden hose. Midway through, my friend and her ex staggers in. She gets up and covers up in panic, I try to get up, but since I'm tied up, I wind up falling flat on my face, cutting up the side of my face. Well it turns out, my buddy was so drunk, he just kinda walked back out and never remembered a bit of it the next day.

Freshman year, I was getting head from the gf in her room and her roommate comes back to show the family around. Door opens, the gf freaks out and pulls her top up, the parents gasp and pull away trying to close the door, but as they are her 4 year old brother runs into the room super excited because out of the corner of his eye he spotted a huge fucking stuffed panda and got really excited, forcing his parents to go into complete panic mode, screaming at him to get the hell out, but he was having none of it. My pants are on the complete other side of the room. Im in total shock while my bitch of a gf is more focused on trying to come up with an excuse for why my cock was in her mouth than finding my pants and getting the giddy little shit out of the fucking room. Eventually the parents bribed him out with ice cream, but it was a bit too late to make it any less awkward. This was the same bitch who would insist of fucking me raw, then after, when I was a bit curious as to why my cock was covered in blood and chunks and smelled like an animal crawled into the engine of my car, she blushed, admitted she was on her period and said, "I didnt think you would mind".


When I was a sophomore I met some chick my friend brought up to visit. We hit it off, started making out a bit, kept getting walked in on and eventually made our way back to my room. Between her phone ringing nonstop, her friend screaming at the door "you can make out but dont you dare fuck her Max!" and her crying, I wasnt really quite able to get into the rhythm of things. So after all was finally said and done I ask her where she goes to college which was met with an "ummmm". I nervously asked her then, "so uh, where are you planning on going next year then?" to which she once again responded "ummmm". Turns out she was 15. The phone rang again, and I finally asked her who that was. Apparently it was her boyfriend, of a few years, calling to inform her how his hospitalized mother was. And apparently he was going to be kind of pissed off to learn she wasnt a virgin anymore. Whoops.

In Ireland I met this smoking hot German chick who despite not speaking any english, I still managed to get her back to my room. Unfortuantely she was the worst makeout imaginable. I mean, she was fucking nuts. She would stick her tongue into my mouth as far as she could and just kind of leave it there. Even when I would pull away for a breath or whatever, she would still have it hanging out. She wouldnt let me touch her right tit, but had me sucking on the left, would throw my hand down her panties but if i tried to remove them or even try to finger her/rub her clit, shed clutch her legs together super tight, throw her finger in my face and yell "NO!", but then wouldnt permit me to remove my hand again. Bitch was nutty.

Gah, theres a bunch more I dont feel like writing about. Bunch of farting stuff, a girl vomited during doggy style, Ive cramped up huge during sex and been with a chick who loved getting bit hard during sex. Ive been busted by the cops in public, had a chick throw a finger 2 knuckles deep into my butt to try and convince me that I should date her. Ive also hooked up with a girl with pretty much my name exactly. Shit, theres a bunch more too that may come to me later.

[entwinedwithsickness]

Originally Posted by GravesOfTheFathers

How was it?

It was okay. She kept her jeans on the right leg (the fake one) so I didn't see it..I mean, it was sex. She blew me, then I fucked her. She wasn't the most exciting girl in bed, truth be told it was all pretty standard. The fact that she has one leg is more exciting than the sex we had.

[strychnine1349]

*applaudes*


May I use all of that for my screenplay sir?




*this was directed to Max*

Jesus, Max is the man.

[Kill The Scene]

Originally Posted by RE3

one time I was at a girl's house watching a movie with her. I had mad gas. I had to go to the restroom (to fart) so she took me to the one in her room. I couldn't fart because she was right outside. So we go back to her living room and she lays on me while we're watching the movie. Nothing much happened, but I wonder what kind of noises my stomach were making :( lol

lol I hate when that happens. For some reason you just have to fart almost every time and then you have to just try so hard to hold it in and then it makes that stomach growl noise, I'm always just like "oh...im hungry sorry about that" and continue to suffer. =[

Originally Posted by ssanaside

my cock was covered in blood and chunks and smelled like an animal crawled into the engine of my car

I fuuuuuucking hate that smell. Girls are fucking foul. >:[

[entwinedwithsickness]

The farting thing is the fucking worst. I literally make myself sick holding in farts. I lived with this girl and didn't want to fart in front of her then I'd end up violently sick in the bathroom..she asked me why and I finally explained it. She goes "Its ok, fart. I think they're funny" From then on I'd always let 'em rip.

As my new relationship has started I'm once again scared to fart. I've let the burps loose though.

I've never been able to fart around girlfriends, hell I even have a complex when I have to drop a deuce in my woman's presence.

[entwinedwithsickness]

Yeah I had to do that this weekend for the first time. She was brushing her teeth and I was like "um you gunna be much longer?" I may as well have said "hey I'm about to shit my pants, mind finishing your brushing after?"

Felt weird, stinking up her bathroom.

[ssanaside]

Originally Posted by strychnine1349

*applaudes*


May I use all of that for my screenplay sir?




*this was directed to Max*

Only they are tastefully portrayed.








nah, forget that. go buckwild.

lol yeah, nothing compares to the "I gotta shit NOW" feeling you get when your woman is in the bathroom.