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Old 12-05-2009, 10:55 PM   #301
Kill The Scene
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lmao!!

fuck, those are some good stories as I'm sitting here niced and blazed out and half drunk!!

\m/
YEAH FUCKIN HORNS BRO
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Old 12-06-2009, 11:55 PM   #302
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All through tenth grade me and my ex would skip whatever the fuck class we had to get stoned and vigorously fuck. Girls will do ANYTHING under the influence. Same chick while back, bled all over me once while we were banging, queefed a few times too, then i went to the washroom to clean my nob off, and took the most massive shit of my life. Good and bad night.
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Old 12-08-2009, 11:32 AM   #303
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My ex and I were having the intercourse and he didn't properly preheat my oven, I'll say, and when he went to stick his member in I ended up being to, er, tight I guess. It tore the frenulum on his dick and he bled to the point of passing out.

It was funny.
:o...........
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Old 12-08-2009, 11:46 AM   #304
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:o...........
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Old 12-08-2009, 11:36 PM   #305
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Indeed.
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Old 12-11-2009, 11:50 PM   #306
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Hahaha You motherfuckers are funny. Here are some of mine...

Me and my ex-girlfriend went to visit her best friend in Florida. Well, the first night we arrived her mom had bought her a bottle of Vodka (we were all under 21) so we could celebrate their reunion. Later that night, about four shots deep, her friend starts talking about her big tits (Double D's) and starts asking us if we want to touch them. Well ladies and gentlemen, before I knew it, me and my girlfriend were sucking on her tits and then I was getting blown by both of them. The following 5 days I would be in heaven because we would go to the parks during the day and then at night I would get to fuck both of them.

I almost fucked a girl with one leg but then I came back into reality and realized that I would regret it in the morning. (She did give an amazing blow job though)


Not a sex one but funny as shit

I went to visit my girlfriend at her school (Ursinus - Gayest school ever). Anyway, going to the bathroom was a bitch because I had to go to the building next door, due to the fact that she lived in a all girls building. Well, I woke up really hungover and needed to piss. However, my girlfriend wasn't in the room and I needed her to get into the other building, so I did what anyone else with a dick would of done... I grabbed an empty Gatorade bottle and started pissing in it. Halfway into my piss, I hear a group of girls walking in the hallway and at the same time I hear the door open. In my desperation as the door is opening I try to turn around, pull my pants up, and close the bottle.... well, I FAILED MISERABLY. I managed to drop the bottle all over my pants and the carpet and make a full of myself in front of my girlfriend and her two friends. The look on their faces was fucking priceless though.

And here is a funny story I wrote out to all my friends last summer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The Hotter The Girl, The Dumber They Are”

-Before reading this story, I want everyone to understand that when it comes to my sex life, I will only discuss it with certain people, basically meaning just two people. My friends get frustrated with me because I will not tell them who I hooked up with or show them the mass quantity of pictures of naked girls that I have stored in my phone or the videos I have (which do exist, Mark is my alibi). But this one story in particular, is just too good to not tell. Boys and Girls, enjoy…

One summer night as I’m ready to head over to Chases house, I receive a phone call from a girl I was hooking up with during that summer. She asked me if I wanted to hang out (Translation: “Do you want to fuck?”) Without any hesitation, I change plans and headed back into my house and wait for her to arrive. Once she got to my house, we waste no time and start to make out. As she undoes my pants and wraps her warm little hands on my cock and starts to jerk me off, I realize that we had established a routine and I knew this hand job would be followed by a blow job. Since I didn’t want to be selfish, I surprised her and flipped her on her back and started fingering the shit out of her. She really seemed to enjoy it, so I kept on going for a while. As I’m doing this, I ask her, “Do you want me to rub your clit?” She replies back to me with a confuse look on her face with a, “What?” I say, “Do you want me to rub your clitoris?” and she says, “What’s that?” STOP: Once these words came out of her mouth, the whole world just seemed to come to complete halt. I wondered to myself, was this the one kid during sex ed in middle school, who’s parents didn’t sign the permission slip so she could take the class? Or has this bitch never read Cosmo or looked at her own fucking vagina? Without making a big deal of the situation, I start to rub her clit with my index finger and said, “Its right here” and she follows with an immediate, “Yeah, do that, that feels good”! (I know that feels good you fucking whore or else I wouldn’t of done it! ) After that little fiasco, our routine went back on track and we had sex.
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Old 12-12-2009, 02:36 AM   #307
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F- would not read again.
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Old 12-12-2009, 12:02 PM   #308
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Your stories are awful.
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Old 12-12-2009, 12:20 PM   #309
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Actually, I have a few new ones (thank you college).

My girlfriend of a year and a half and I just broke up (we go to the same school. Kill me.) We had been going through some rough times, I tried breaking up with her, but agreed to wait a little longer. It's complicated, don't ask. Anywho, I'm chilling in my room texting the girl in the room next to mine. I eventually just realized, "wtf? why am I texting you when you're only 6 feet plus a wall away from me?" So I had her come over to my room and kicked my other roommate out. We ended up fucking on my bed. She has some long nails and is a scratcher. After I finished up, I walked over to the mirror and my back really looked like I fucked a pissed off Wolverine. There really was a section on my back that I could've played Tic-tac-toe on. I think my friend took pictures, I'll see if I can get them on here. I was worried that my girlfriend would see them, because they were honestly that bad. Thank god it was all just on my back. Anyway, afterwards she ran down the hall to talk to the RA, and I had to go to my "kinda sorta girlfriend"'s room to discuss our potential breakup. She kissed me, smelled my lips, and said, "Why does your breath smell different?" I about shat myself, but just kinda blew it off like it was nothing. I came back to my room, and saw my roommate's cousin (she's also a freshman at my school, and quite attractive) laying in my bed. God those sheets must've been nasty. Anyway, we're laying on my bed watching shit online on my laptop, and she rolls over and starts kissing me. We start going at things for a while until she's too sketched out that my roommate will walk back inside. I wound up giving her a hickey, which got HER in trouble with her boyfriend. However, neither she nor my girlfriend of the time saw the scratches on my back, and none of the three girls know anything to this day about the other two girls I was with that day.

Fucking win.
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Old 12-12-2009, 02:59 PM   #310
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Sorry niggas
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Old 12-12-2009, 06:48 PM   #311
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To be expected from a Skins fan.
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Old 12-12-2009, 06:51 PM   #312
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I got a really fucked up one, if I get time I'll type it up.
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Old 12-14-2009, 12:26 PM   #313
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Hahaha ^^^, poisoned fetus story?

Uh, as for myself, nothing really fucked up. Guess I'm just too professional with that shit.
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Old 12-14-2009, 12:56 PM   #314
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you pussied out on fucking a one legged chick? Faggot.
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Old 12-14-2009, 02:49 PM   #315
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Originally Posted by SLIT YOUR GUTZ View Post
I got a really fucked up one, if I get time I'll type it up.
so you have time to stuff a baby in a microwave but dont have the precious time to grace us with a story? i smell lies.
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Old 12-14-2009, 04:32 PM   #316
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you pussied out on fucking a one legged chick? Faggot.
I'm a huge faggot. Wait until I post a pic up of her.
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Old 12-14-2009, 09:14 PM   #317
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alright dunno if I already told it but here it is in short, 100% true

Dated this chick crazy asian chick one time, she told me that when she was younger, her dad raped her and got her pregnant, and beat her until she had a miscarriage. I was fucking her one time, and she went into a delusion or something, she kept crying and calling me her dad and telling me stop hurting her. Took me like an hour to wake her from the crazy thing she was in, then she had no memory of what happened. Was really fucked up, will never forget it. Had to turn lights on and off and shook her around like a ragdoll, but she was in some nightmare trance. Really fucked up. My advice is not to date girls with tons of personal baggage.
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:39 AM   #318
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Originally Posted by SLIT YOUR GUTZ View Post
alright dunno if I already told it but here it is in short, 100% true

Dated this chick crazy asian chick one time, she told me that when she was younger, her dad raped her and got her pregnant, and beat her until she had a miscarriage. I was fucking her one time, and she went into a delusion or something, she kept crying and calling me her dad and telling me stop hurting her. Took me like an hour to wake her from the crazy thing she was in, then she had no memory of what happened. Was really fucked up, will never forget it. Had to turn lights on and off and shook her around like a ragdoll, but she was in some nightmare trance. Really fucked up. My advice is not to date girls with tons of personal baggage.
I believe you because I have heard of this shit happening to people who suffer from post traumatic street but for an HOUR? DAMN
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:47 AM   #319
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I've had the same shit happen to me, not during sex though. That shit is really intense and can really give you a mindfuck for a while afterwards. Just makes you wonder what is actually going on inside their head that can make yours spin so badly.
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Old 12-15-2009, 08:19 PM   #320
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Yeah was definitely a mindfuck.

On another occasion she called me in the middle of a delusion, and convinced me that she had eaten off her own arm. It was crazy. She had no recollection of it and didn't remember telling me any of that. Dated her for six months somehow.

So glad I found the wonderful girl I have now.
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Old 12-18-2009, 06:57 PM   #321
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Once when my b/f was going down on me I farted. On purpose. He got pissed off and I laughed for about 10 minutes.
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Old 12-18-2009, 07:28 PM   #322
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The first time I ever did anything romantic with the girl I am now dating/my future fiancée, we had just finished watching a movie and I farted REALLY loudly while the credits were rolling, twice in a row. Fuuuuucking mortifying, and it was on a laptop so there was nada to cover it up.
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